I’ve always loved art, but, when I realized that I could use it to encapsulate my struggles with seizure-like episodes, it meant even more to me. 

These episodes first came to me during quarantine. Some symptoms include a weird shift in my own reality where light and my perspective can seem to change, as well as feeling like my mind starts flooding with thoughts that don’t seem to be mine; which scares me. I’ve seen multiple doctors and have done tests but I still don’t have a diagnosis.

Although I can state symptoms, I often struggle to explain to people what I really feel. And I understand that others will never truly understand what I feel. Recently I began exploring the concept of trying to encapsulate my own experiences in order to showcase my unique reality, and/or to maybe help someone with a similar experience be seen.

With inspiration from René Magritte and David Ligare, my painting showcases a relatively bright and playful scene; a beautiful blue ocean with happy clouds. The emphasis is the floating ball with a pink silk sheet draped over it which evokes ethereality. The scene is whimsical, but the real contrast comes from meaning and detail. The ball itself is hovering, defying logic. The lively pink sheet conceals the unknown. The ocean is absent of a shadow, suggesting that it’s not really there. The balls’ unsettling nature creates a surreal nightmare. In this situation a “fight or flight” kind of fear is activated. I want this painting to demonstrate that what you are seeing isn’t reality, rather it’s just in your head. It is an experience that others simply cannot see. This isn’t just a concept, it is a reality for me. The episodes and the fear that I experience are only perceived through my own self, and are absent from the rest of the world.